Denial and Anger go hand in hand

Have you ever noticed that denial and anger walk closely together. I suppose I knew it to be true, but unless you are confronted with it, well, denial is denial after all. Denial often results for me after bad news. I get upset initially, and anger soon follows. Bad news can make me so angry that it almost seems like it can't happen, isn't happening, won't happen, all in the effects of denial. This was the case for me this week with some news I heard. Right now I don't feel like elaborating, so I'm just going to be vague. Sorry if that annoys you.

It doesn't really matter what the news is, however, more that for me, I had to learn a lesson the hard way that anger and denial really aren't the best ways to deal with tough stuff. It got me through this week without feeling too much emotion, however. I wasn't hurt, I wasn't all that sad, I was just angry.

Today all that changed. The news confronted me, directly from the person it concerned, making it impossible for me to deny and be mad. The reality began to settle, and the wall I had so carefully built this week fell down all at once. There I was, feeling emotionally naked, in front of more people than I care to remember.

I know I'm not the only person this has happened to. Lots of people build walls every day to keep their emotions hidden, in-check, and away from onlookers. This works for a while, and it makes us feel safer. But in the long run, it only makes the pain cut deeper, and exposes us at the worst times.

What have I learned from this experience? I really need to spend more time with God when faced with difficult news and situations in my life. He already knows my heart, so its okay to let the barriers down for Him, and let Him teach me what He will in that situation. Also, I need to remember to trust Him. He's big enough to take care of the things I have no control over. After all, He wants whats best, even more than I do, and only He knows what that is.