Married With Friends: The Chronicles - 2 months in

Its been a whole 2 months since our household went from 2 to 3. The first month brought a lot of changes. We had to get used to each other, our habits, idiosyncrasies, and preferences. A lot of frustration arose on my part in that first month. All of a sudden I went from having Adam all to myself, to sharing both him and our house. What I thought at first to be frustration towards our new house guest, I later realized was irritation from long festering wounds.

Since the beginning of our marriage 2 1/2 years ago, I had to learn to share Adam with his motorcycle hobby, and love of working in the shop at night. It was pretty tough that first year, when all I wanted to do was spend the evenings with my husband, and he was down in the shop. I did eventually get used to it, however, at least for the most part. We made time for each other and made it work.

That old wound and annoyance of not having enough "us" time arose again, and I was faced with the familiar feelings of neglect, hurt, and annoyance. After talking it out with Adam, and both my Moms, we came to the conclusion that we needed to spend more time together in order to maintain our sanity and marital happiness.

We decided to institute a short walk together after Adam gets home from work each day. It worked out perfectly because the week we started this routine was when we had that beautiful 70-80 degree weather in March. For once I felt like I had time to talk to Adam, whether about issues, work scenarios, family, or just life in general. The exercise was just an added bonus.

After a week of spending more time together in this way, we both felt a lot better about our living arrangement and our marriage. In an odd way, it took having someone else living in our house to make us realize we needed to put more effort into our marriage. I wouldn't call us lazy, but we definitely had gotten into a routine, and well, its always good to mix things up, especially when it involves communicating more, and being together. We even went out on our first real "date" in months last Sunday. It was great. We went out to eat and finished by spending several hours in the book store (our favorite place and pastime while dating).

Its not a wonder to me why so many marriages end in divorce. People can't seem to understand why after years of marriage, the flame dies, and the love grows cold. From my young and growing perspective, taking time to communicate, understand, and notice your spouse can have a lot to play in that. Its easy to get into habits and go through all the daily motions without truly making an effort to appreciate or know your spouse better. My marriage is important to me, and I know its something worth working for and fighting for.

Something worth living for

The older we get, the more we realize how temporary we really are. When children are young, they're convinced they'll live forever. They're invincible. But as we age, reality confronts us. Sickness confronts us. Death confronts us.

Today we attended the funeral of Adam's grandma. It was a long-expected event, but none-the-less sorrowful for the family, especially Adam's mom. Her pain was more evident than that of any other family member. This is understandable as she was closest to her mom, caring for her 24-7 the last few weeks. Remembering Barbara's life brought the family together, as well as remembrances and appreciation for the life and love we have today.

We came home from the funeral to find out that a beloved friend lost her battle with cancer this afternoon. When her cancer was discovered, it was already stage four. Having gone through stage four cancer with my Aunt only a few years ago, I knew the possibilities. Its so sad. Its seems that sickness and death are everywhere. When I was younger, it mostly seemed like death was elsewhere, not in my close friends or family. The older I get, the closer death comes, sparing none. Its humbling to realize how powerless we really are. We know several other friends battling cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. It seems like life on this earth just gets darker and darker.

Yet the thought that becomes clearer each day is how much I long to go home. Home where Jesus is. Home where we can all be with our loved ones again, where there is no more pain, sickness, sadness, and death.

What keeps me going on this earth is seeing God reflected in His people. We got to hear story after story of Barbara's life. She was an amazing person. Kind. Loving. Thoughtful. Tender. She never had a negative word to say about anyone. Never complained. Always smiled, and was full of wit, right up until the very end.

As I sat there listening to the stories, I realized that all those characteristics described another person perfectly: her daughter, Adam's Mom, Gail. I've often been baffled by the beauty of her spirit and character. My pettiness and selfishness condemns me as I look at the selfless way she lives her life, always thinking of others, never complaining, and never concerned for herself. Talking with her has made me a better person. I am convinced that God is walking with her each day, and that He has placed her in my life so that I can grow and see what God wants to be in my life. I'm sure she doesn't realize how many lives she has touched, but I know she's touched mine. It makes me realize that I want to let God work that way in me. I want others to be able to see God in me. Thats something worth living for, despite being surrounded by death and sadness. The way we live our lives is the example we leave for others to follow. Thats something we all should live for, because when that day comes for Jesus to take us all home, I want to see as many people there as possible. Don't you?